Let’s be straight here – the main benefit of single life is the option for casual sex. And being able to find a girl for a casual fling or some one night stand sex is high on most single guy’s to do list. Excuse the pun.
Thankfully, with all the dating apps, you now have more options for casual sex than ever. And of course if you have the confidence you can even try out your game in the club or wherever else in real life.
So how to ask someone to hookup for some fun and no strings attached sex?
How to use dating apps to hook up
Most people who use dating apps have Tinder. It’s the go-to for most people, so if you want to have as many options as possible, then it’s the perfect start. Not to mention, it is also a huge part of hookup culture and it is perfectly fine if you are only looking for a one night stand there.
Other options for dating apps include Bumble, eHarmony, Adult Friend Finder and Match.com.
The more apps you have the better your chances of finding that interested girl. But it can be time consuming building the rapport and getting to the point where you can ask to hook up.
If the idea of apps frustrates you, then you can also look for some ideas for dating without using apps.
We’ve looked at how to manage your dating app profile before, so check out our guide.
So assuming you’ve got a well optimized profile, how can you approach a girl for some casual sex?
Be upfront and honest
Nobody likes being led on, thinking that whatever is between you will develop into something more. The friend zone is a dangerous place!
Instead, make your intentions very clear, but also take the other person’s feelings into consideration and word what you want nicely.
When it comes to dating apps you should probably start with putting “Looking for hookups” in your bio.
Things like “Looking for fun and enjoying the single life” or “Want something casual” are also good options, although you can play around with the wording. This way those who are looking for a proper relationship just swipe on by and you won’t waste each other’s time.
Take time to get to know the other person
It’s understandable that you are just looking to enjoy casual sex, but getting down with a complete stranger isn’t that attractive to everyone.
You’ll need to build some rapport and show you’re not a total creep before you do the deed. If you are chatting on an app and they have acknowledged that you only want a hookup but they still aren’t trying to set up a date, then they are probably just figuring you out.
As a guy, this goes double. Women are always putting themselves at risk when they go out for a date, so don’t blame them if they want to make sure you’re not a serial killer before meeting up. Face-time them if they want to and don’t shy away if they ask to grab a coffee in a public place before the actual hookup.
These are all just safety measurements, if they know you just want to hook up for casual sex, then that part is already fine. You just need to wait until the other person is actually comfortable enough for it.
Conversation
Let’s say that you didn’t have the opportunity to state your intentions up-front, or you’re out at a club where you can’t just approach someone leading with a hook up invitation.
Check out our guide to approach a woman you don’t know.
But it can be both thrilling and exciting working out if you have a match.
Are they flirting? Do they give you signs to approach them? Do they seem like they are actually into you? It shouldn’t be said, but people who are working and have to be nice to you (waiters, bartenders, etc.) don’t count and you should wait until they make a move if you really believe that they want more.
However, if you see another person drinking at the bar, looking over at you every couple of minutes, smiling, generally acting friendly, then that’s a good cue to go over. As a woman, it is more likely that you will be approached, even if you weren’t giving out any hints, but if you see a person to your liking don’t be afraid to walk up to them.
Are they available?
Second step is finding out if that person already has a partner. Boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, whatever. If you are talking to someone and they claim to have a significant other, then drop the idea of a hookup with them.
Either they actually do have a partner and you should respect that, or they are lying because they want to get you off their back. But if they say no, then you can ask if you can join them for the night. If they say yes, buy them a drink, compliment them, just generally try and actually woo the other person.
At this point, they might also ask you whether you have a partner or not. This is a great opportunity for you to say “No, but I’m not looking for anything serious now either,” which makes it easy for the other person to interpret what you want. However, if they don’t ask, then you can lead them to the matter quite easily.
Steer the conversation, be thoughtful about it. You can ask why they came to that certain place or what they wanted to get out of the night. A good way to hint at what you want is by saying that you “came to have a night of fun” at which point you will likely be asked to elaborate.
As long as you say what you want with confidence and back off when the other person isn’t feeling it, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed. Shyness won’t get you laid.
Don’t be afraid to get flirty and even ask if she’s down to fuck. If you’re not one for flirting, check out out guide to flirty sexy questions.
The aftermath
If you didn’t just want a one night stand, then you should establish that early. Saying something along the lines of “That was great, we should do it again sometime,” is a good start. You can have that conversation afterwards. Both of you should be on the same page, but you should still be clear whether you want things to develop or not.
However, it doesn’t matter exactly what happened, whether it was good or bad, treat the other person like a human being. Sure, you both used each other to fulfil a need, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have feelings or that they hadn’t just put themselves in one of the most vulnerable positions a human can. Order some takeout, make tea, ask if they need anything.
Don’t just leave or simply ask them to leave right afterwards (unless you agreed on that, of course).
Looking for hook ups? We like eHarmony for its great choice of active accounts (minimal spam and bot accounts here) and a good mix of casual sex and girlfriend material. Sign up and check it out for free…
